Sean David Ealy

This is it. I knew this time would come. I dreaded it. I ignored it. But now I can’t push it aside any longer.

The twins are starting their first year at school.

I’ve been through this before. We have 6 children, with the twins being the youngest. Each time one of our kids started school for the first time I felt a strange, uncomfortable weight in the pit of my stomach…part anxiety and part longing. Like something big was about to change in our family ecosystem. A serious disruption in the Force.

It’s pretty common for moms to mourn over their babies as they grow up. I get it. Dads like to play tough, like these kind of things don’t affect us, but there’s no question it does.

Starting school for the first time means a lot of things are about to change. We’re sending our kids out into the world for the first time. Tender sheep going out into a land full of wolves. And that puts me on edge.

What if they have a bad experience with the teacher? What if they get lost getting off the bus? What about the mean kids? You know the ones. They usually sit at the back of the bus and glare at everybody.

What about the million things that will now be at work influencing the thoughts, emotions and behavior of our kids?

As stressful as this experience is for us parents, it’s even more stressful for the kids. Even the older kids who have been in school for awhile feel it. They won’t admit it, but we notice it in their behavior during the first week of school.

Here’s how we can make the back to school transition a little smoother for our kids.

Be Present

The transition from summer vacation to going back to back school is a big change at any grade level. The first day of school brings uncertainty – will I like my teacher? Will she like me? What if I can’t make any friends? The older our kids get, the more social pressure they face to fit in.

Parents need to be intentional about creating a sense of normalcy in the home during the first week of school. Normal means safe. The best way to do this is to make sure that we are fully present and available. Don’t bring work home for the week. Make sure that you have sit down dinners with everyone at the table. Minimize screen time in the evening. Hang out with the kids and make sure they feel the safety of your presence.

Be Patient

The uncertainty of a new year of school can create a sense of anxiety, even in the most courageous of our kids. If your kids are like mine, they won’t tell you that they’re anxious, but they will show you in their actions.

Slow to do their chores? Unusually quiet? Fighting with each other? Maybe a little sassy? These can all be signs of internal stress, and it’s perfectly normal. But we as parents have to be careful with how we respond. Be patient. Take a deep breath. Their little minds are trying to work through the storm of emotions washing over them. Overreacting will only cause them to withdraw, and increase their anxiety.

Give Them an Outlet

Bottled up anxiety and emotion isn’t good. Think of what soda does when shaken before opened. It’s important for our kids to have an outlet to express their feelings and burn off energy, and even more so the first week of school. Plenty of time outside does the trick. Go to the park. Ride bikes. Invest in the things your kids enjoy doing, and do it with them.

Create a Consistent Structure

The best thing for our kids is structure. Too much of anything isn’t good. They need to learn the balance of life or else they become overstimulated and that just isn’t a healthy thing. Consistent bedtime, consistent meals and daily routines are all an important part of teaching our kids balance. This consistent structure will contribute to a feeling of normalcy, like an anchor preventing a ship from drifting into open waters. It’s something they can return to after navigating the uncertainty of the new school year.

Moments of Laughter

Create moments every day where laughter thrives, and our children will benefit from it. Laughter decreases stress hormones and contributes to a healthy immune system. Every time we laugh, endorphins are released into the body which help to create a sense of well-being and can even help to relieve pain. So laugh more. Be silly. The rewards are awesome.

Listen to Their Concerns

Letting our children vocalize their concerns this week is so important. But it can be tricky, because it can’t be forced. I’ve found that our younger kids are quick to tell us how they are feeling, but the older boys not so much.

My youngest son’s biggest concern right now is that he has to hold hands with a little girl in his class anytime they leave the classroom. Holding hands with a girl is not top on his best things list at the age of 5. My 5 year old daughter woke up in the middle of the night crying because she didn’t want to miss her mommy while she was at school. My wife sat with her for an hour and let her talk about it.

We can’t force the timing of this. Our kids will talk when they feel like they need to. We just have to be there to listen and help them through it. This isn’t the time to fix the situation. Just listen and encourage.

Pray With Them

Perhaps the most important thing we can do for our kids is to pray with them. Of course, this goes beyond just the first day of school. But I can’t think of a better way to encourage and support our kids than to take their fears, needs and concerns to the Lord.

Love will always be all you need

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It’s not easy being a kid, and our job as parents is never simple. But it really comes down to one thing…Love trumps all. If we create a strong and consistent sense of love in the home then our children will be strong and able to face any new thing that comes their way.

You got this!

Be well.