Suicide is a painful issue that has affected many of us in one way or another. During the month of September, we try to raise awareness around this epidemic in America with hope it will save lives. But we need to do more, and it starts by having this discussion in the home.
Both my childhood best friend and my step-son ended their own lives. Ironically, both of them were born in the month of September, and when their birth dates pass I am painfully aware of how empty the world is without them.
Suicide ranks as the 10th highest cause of death in the US. Approximately 44,965 Americans take their lives every day. If you do the math, that’s 123 deaths every day, or 1 suicide every 12 minutes.
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For every 1 life taken by suicide there are 25 suicide attempts made that don’t end in death. That’s over 250,000 suicide attempts per year in the US alone.
Something is seriously wrong. Why are so many Americans taking their own lives?
Suicide rates have increased over the past decade by a staggering 30%. Clinical depression, drug and alcohol abuse and bullying have all played a part in this. But it’s also very clear that more people are losing themselves to loneliness and despair than ever before.
Our children are not immune.
Even though the highest increase in suicides have been with men over 50, suicide is the 2nd highest cause of death among teenagers. 7 in every 100,000 children between the age of 15-19 take their own lives each year.
We shouldn’t ignore this topic as parents. It’s certainly not a comfortable subject to discuss, but it’s time we start talking to our kids about suicide. Maintaining an open and honest line of communication with our children is the best way to make sure we are aware of what’s going on in their lives.
Your child probably knows someone who has tried to take their own life
Think about the numbers. The chance is extremely high that your child knows someone who has either discussed the idea of taking their own life or who has already made the attempt. A friend. A family member. Someone at school or church. It’s very likely they will be exposed to the issue, one way or another, before graduating from high school. How can we prepare them if we aren’t willing to address the topic in the safety of our own home first?
Suicide has probably already crossed their minds
In a recent study that included 5000 kids aged 11-17, 8% of them admitted to having suicidal thoughts. However, most kids will never admit to having these thoughts, even if they have a good relationship with their parents, because of fear or embarrassment. Even if our kids won’t open up immediately, knowing that we are there for them and that we are willing to listen could make all the difference in the decisions they make.
Pressure on our kids is the highest it’s ever been
Social pressure to conform has always been an issue for kids, especially as they get into middle and high school. These are the years when their peers will have the biggest influence over the choices they make. Kids today can easily get lost in the crowd or feel like they aren’t good enough to fit in, especially if they don’t have a strong support system at home.
Sometimes parents can contribute to this pressure, even if their actions are grounded in good intentions. Expectations to go to college, to act a certain way or to excel in sports can make children feel like they have no control. Especially if they don’t feel like they can perform at the level they are expected to.
The connection between bullying and suicide
Bullies have been around forever. But bullying in the 21st century seems to have taken on a whole new level. It’s been reported by ABC News that 30% of US children in public school have either been bullied or have bullied other kids. 165,000 kids stay home from school every day due to bullying.
Studies have shown that the connection between bullying and suicide is extremely high. This includes children who have been both the victim and perpetrator of bullying. Many times, parents don’t even know their child is being bullied until it’s too late.
Children who have good communication with their parents are less likely to attempt suicide
Open communication in the home between parents and their children is generally accepted as a means to help prevent suicide risk. It would be naive to say that suicide doesn’t affect healthy and connected families, because it certainly has. But children who have an open, trusting relationship with their parents are less likely to feel isolated and alone.
Something to think about: no one has ever committed suicide for simply being asked to talk.
What can parents do?
Whether or not you think your child is at risk, here are some simple things parents can do to engage their kids on the topic of suicide:
- Ask questions – even if your child pushes back
- Be open – make sure your child knows that you are available to discuss the hard things
- Respond in love – be prepared to hear what you don’t want to hear
- Understand the warning signs – change in appetite, poor grades, erratic behavior or loss of interest in things are just a few
- Be involved – check online activity, get involved at school, talk about what happened during the day, be present and genuinely interested
- Pray – pray with your kids as much as you pray for your kids
Final thoughts
Most of us will have a hard time believing that our kids would ever try to take their own lives. I get it. I’ve been there. It’s easy to talk ourselves out of having these discussions, because on the surface everything looks okay.
But Parents, we need to have the discussion, and we need to continue to have the discussion. Not only might we be saving our own kids but we are empowering them to be a light in the lives of others. Suicide shouldn’t be a taboo subject in the home, and no one should ever feel they are alone.
Especially our children.
Lead with love.
Sean David Ealy 